My Futile Tears
by Sakura Bloom
Summary: A loss of a friend tears the survivors apart... The account of a survivor contemplating the death of who they love the most.


"My Futile Tears"

**My Futile Tears**  
_by Laura Kamida_  
**Rated G**  
  


It happened in an instant. So suddenly, he was running out there, there was nothing I could do to stop him... And in an instant, my best friend was gone.  
  
And yet, he was not gone. He was right in front of me. I cried out in so many different emotions, in one breath: fear, sadness, confusion. One question pounded in my mind as I ran to his side. Why...? _WHY_!?  
  
My breath was rapid, to match with the pounding of my heart. My stomach lurched. With all my power, I tried everything I could think of to wake him up. My eyes stung painfully as I realized what was going on; what had happened.  
  
My best friend, who I had met when I was too young to understand, who had shown me things I couldn't imagine, who had made me feel things that I had never felt before, was dead. Laying dead before my very eyes. Laying _dead_! There was no second chance. No way. No chance for him to come back. No way I could ever get him back.  
  
I cried. It was all I could think to do. Every part of my body hurt. Pain. Pain. _PAIN_!!!!! Nothing had happned to me. It was all in my mind. All in my heart. Why didn't I do something before, when I had the chance?  
  
I couldn't keep looking at him. I closed my eyes to block out the hurt I felt._ No..._  
  
Did he know I loved him? Did he know he was the only person that ever mattered to me? Did he know... he had to know. We were the best of friends... even though I could never say it, I think he knew that I thought the world of him. I hope... he knew.  
  
The feeling of a loss, of the realization suddenly hitting you is something... indescribable. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even the one who killed him. It had felt like that evil thing had first kicked me in the stomach with the power of 300 Tauros charging at me. Then, they reached into my chest and yanked my small heart out. As I watched the horrible evil, terrible... _thing_ who killed my friend, and as my broken heart pumped futilely, they threw it to the ground. My mind swirled uncontrollably and he slammed his foot onto my heart.  
  
Where is there to go from here? How will my life go on? I'm not whole without him by my side, teaching me... showing me... helping me to get through the world...  
  
_If only my tears could bring him back to me... If only my love could find a way... What I would do! What I would give! If he returned to me someday, somehow, someway... If my tears could bring him back to me..._  
  
Not him. Not ever. No no no no no no!!!! I can't go on. Not without my best friend. My guide. My... life. At the moment, it didn't matter to me anymore. _NO_!!!!!!!!!! Every nerve in my body shook with the word. Every muscle quivered. Every thought in my mind stung. Every single sense was messed up. My eyes were blurred with the tears I had cried, all I could hear was my head pounding and my mind screaming... All I could taste were the salty tears that delicately slid down my reddened cheeks... All I could feel was his cold body... my pain... I couldn't feel... All I could smell was the stench of death...  
  
Every moment we had ever shared flashed before my eyes in a sequence. From the first time I met him, when I didn't even like him at all, to moments when I could feel that there would never be anyone else who would mean so much to me... and to now... when I know there won't be.   
  
Every wish I had ever had, every dream, I would give up just for him to wake up and look at me with his warm eyes. Why couldn't he just stand up, hug me, and tell me everything was going to be OK!? It was all my fault... everything was because of his love for me, and for everyone else.  
  
My eyes were like waterfalls... I couldn't stop... My power was gone. I buried my face in his chest. "_NO_!!!!" I screamed out... for the whole world to hear... but it only came out...  
  
"_PIKA_!!!!" 


End file.
